Angela York Crane

I'm a woman who is a finder and holder of stories.

I am a gardener; a gardener of soil and a gardener of souls. Gardeners live in the tension of partnering with elements that are out of our control. We can dig out rocks, we can add compost to infertile soils, we can give water, we can talk and nurture and listen to what is needs that are trying to make themselves known, but ultimately, it is in that place of miraculous transformation that the plant, and the person, roots deeply and truly.

The blossoms from that rooting take my breath away. It is okay to root in fertile soil.

Best and worst has been a part of that rooting for me for many years. Sharing of best and worst started when my sons were small, as part of our nighttime routine as I tried to learn how to grieve the loss of my marriage and live in the joy of growing sons.

It continues as a daily examen for me, and a birthday ritual in our family. The wording of the query changes sometimes:

When did I feel most connected with God?
When did I feel most unconnected?

What brought me life?
What took life away?

Where did I feel exuberance?
Where did I feel passionless?

The birthday ritual has become:

What do I like most about this person?
What do I like worst?

But the impact of living in the tension that best often comes from worst, that experiences are often more than what I know initially, baptizes me in the reality that life is not black and white but colorful and vibrant. It is in that space of tension that I often experience the breath of the Divine. It is the breath of the Divine that grants me life. It is life that I choose.

" I find that a real gardener is not a man who cultivates flowers; he is a man who cultivates the soil…A rose in flower is, so to speak, only for dillittanti; the gardener’s pleasure is deeper rooted, right in the womb of the soil. After his death the gardener does not become a butterfly, intoxicated by perfumes of flowers, but a garden worm tasting all the dark, nitrogenous, and spicy delights of the soil."

The Gardener's Year, Karel Capek