Angela York Crane

I'm a woman who is a finder and holder of stories.

How do I explain best and worst and what it means to me?

When my sons were 6 months old, 2 years old, and 4 years old, I separated from a husband who was an addict.

I was lost and trying to find my way, and stop a cycle of abuse for my sons. How ironic that being pregnant, giving birth and nursing helped to awaken the feminine soul in me. That awakening brought forth a protector.

Knowing it was important to talk, and yet finding myself at a loss for words to communicate with them and not being fluent in play therapy or art therapy (words are my medium) I was divinely inspired to start the “best and worst” ritual.

The three shared a bedroom and we would end each day with “best and worst.” As the younger ones got older they would join in. Each of us would talk about the worst part of our day, and then we would end on our best. Ending on the best was important for me, because life was hard, and I can drown in the imperfection of reality.

As a single mom, energy was the most important commodity in my life. “Best and worst” helped me to realize what gave me energy and what took it. After I shared, age appropriately with the boys, I would journal the rest of the story before sleep. The ritual helped me to sleep, to name my fears, to acknowledge my wounds, and to see the patterns of Life and healing, and the shadows that I learned to embrace. Not always at once, but over time I see patterns, and I see the Hand of the divine. As I discussed that Hand with my counselor and in my groups, a new way of life opened up to me.

It seemed like I was given a choice, take this time of singleness to truly know the Way, or drown my pain in another human relationship. By the Grace of God, and with a lot of resistance over and over again, I walked into my pain. I spent six years alone, realizing that we were not a broken family, we were beginning to be a mosaic. When the boys would ask if I would please date because they wanted a daddy, I would answer “If you want a daddy, pray for one.” They did.

When the boys were 10, 8, and 6 L and I married, and he was welcomed into the ritual. A funny thing happened – worst became most important to him because he tends to focus on the best. So he would end on worst, and I would end on best. Best and worst helped us to hear and know each other. Best and worst still helped me to know what I was feeling, and what gave me life. There is a reason it is called a blended family.

This advent, on retreat, I found a delicious book, Sleeping with Bread, by the Linns, and it explained the beauty of "best and worst". It is a way of seeing the rhythm of who we were created to be, and who we are, who we believe our Creator to be and who our Creator really is. It helps me to see God’s work, His will, His plan, and His beauty. I don’t know how it works. I do know that it points me to the Way.