deep calls to deep

BEST -She was cool in a very ladylike way, sedate, older than me and seeking her voice. I radiate exuberance, can be loud, and although I am seeking my face, my voice has always been present and accounted for. We were both leaders at a weeklong seminar to train facilitators for leading small groups of abuse recovery based on starting with story, and progressing to wanting to love well, from the place of seeing God in our story. The week would consist of music worship, teaching times and 12 two and one half hour small group sessions. We were at the three day training time for leaders before the participants came to stay and go through, what often feels to me, an emotional boot camp. And, our leaders group was sharing stories and setting a foundation for support and encouragement, throughout the time the trainees went through the program.

We shared stories, and I told her "I am so attracted to you." She replied with her first thought on seeing me "There is a woman I could never get to know." She voiced how she found me intimidating,intriguing and scary when she first met me. I had felt her withdraw before. At the time I was just learning that I had the ability to either pick up the power she offered me, or refuse to pick it up and seek to be her friend. I refused to pick it up, and tried to walk through my discomfort at her stiffness toward me and slowly, we quit holding each other at arms length.

Sometimes best is a memory, a time that you can look back on and see the Spirit continuing in the work of completeness. Sometimes the pieces of life fit together so well, that looking back allows me to look forward with anticipation instead of dread.

I wrote my poem about Art and Him giving me a face in 1997, I sat in this leaders group in the fall of 2003. She shared a bit of her story, and I had an image of her and me, the proper churched Southern woman, and the wild child who often gets in trouble for her four letter language. We were spray painting graffiti, four letter words, to help release some of that anger and angst in both of us. It’s one of my callings, to help teach people from the church to cuss appropriately, to call out the wild child within; it was one of her callings, that week, to teach me about the mystery and surprises of God, and to never judge a book by its cover. I shared that image of graffiti with her, and she grabbed on to it.

Every time we were together she would ask “How are we going to do this?” I was at a loss. I had the vision, but not the way. She found the way - cans of spray paint, a walk to the beach, and Art in the sand.

We journeyed together on our one free afternoon. Her word art was angry, black, real, and at the end, redeemed in red. I did not know what to do – images are hard for me, words are easy. As I stood, I thought of the bits of my story that were coming together for me. I bent down, and painted in black “NO ANJ.” My friend stood up from her necessary angry words, I stood up from my annihilation and we yelled our anger and displacement at the heavens. Then, we cried, and I painted a key, with her name on it, in red and drew a circle around her feet that tied together her words of art, the key, and herself. Then, in red, I painted K and then a W. NO ANJ became KNOW ANJ. And then, we danced on top of our art, and it scattered in the wind, and we laughed and held each other.

On the walk back, I told my friend “you are scary.” She is scary, and beautiful, and although her covers are proper, she is a kindred wild child.

It’s a journey, I keep telling myself. And, sometimes, it is really fun.

Comments

[amy]

wonderful, wonderful, wonderful

[bobbie]

i like the spray cans and graffiti idea - i always described myself as a bit of a fire hose when i was allowed to 'let it out'. so under pressure that it all came out in this burst that knocked everyone over. the spray can idea has a bit more control to it! :)

can't wait to dance in the sand on my art and nasty, necessary words - brilliant!

[deb]

I'm just beginning to learn about my own child within. Sometimes she's a pretty wild. I have needed someone like you. Thank you for your post and more importantly thank you for who you are!!

[candy]

anj - I love it - "Art in the sand". How I wish I lived by a beach. I only hope the next time I get to one I have a can of spray paint with me. I could use a session of angry, cursing word art in the sand to be danced upon. This was truly inspired.

[Idelette]

I love how the two of you were honest about how you felt about each other. And I love how you recognized the process you were finding yourselves in, eg. not taking the power she was giving you. You describe it so beautifully ...