incense
WORST- Exploring one’s relationship with drugs (including alcohol)
and addictive patterns. I could have sat in the courtroom, analyzed behavior,
laughed off youthful stupidity, or named choices as addiction. How can grace
to sit in juvenile court and feel pain, ache for the necessity of this teen to explore
this complicated relationship that has so impacted his life, how can the
knowing of that pain, without the anger or the fight or the cognitive gyrations that dilute it, be the
worst?
Last week, I heard our Wednesday night family group facilitator
repeat my words from our first family group “nobody holds their newborn in
their arms and thinks “I can’t wait to go to an early substance abuse
intervention program and explore our relationship with drugs together.” I was happy the words spoke to her enough to
recycle them; sad for the opportunity to speak that truth.
After court, the youth in question hoed an unplanted area in
our back yard. It used to be covered by a wooden deck that had been built in
the anger of the previous inhabitants’ marriage disintegrating. Every screw
shouted rage to me, and last year we finished taking it out. Yesterday afternoon, he hoed the ground, he
raked out the weeds, shirtless and sweaty, he created the furrows in a design
of his choice, and then planted the green manure mix of field peas, oats and
hairy vetch, with a few old packets of sweet peas thrown in for good measure. He
covered them, and watered them, and then told me how much he loves to feel the
soil.
I understand I said and his words carried the sweet scent of prayer.
What was the outcome of court? besides finding remorse in the dirt?
When Charlie was 17 he was sent to one of those juvenile boot camps. It was hard on us all but I do think it helped. At least he found out that jail was not someplace he wanted to be.
Posted by: aola | 05/08/2008 at 02:41 PM
Aola - First time offense, o on a breath test, already enrolled in an early intervention program, six months probation from the court, and sent over to family services. That was it; his consequence at our house was the need for the EI Program, and compliance or college funding won't come through for him. I am trying to trust the process.
Posted by: anj | 05/08/2008 at 10:15 PM
PS Aola - I'm not really sure he found remorse, but I think he found that feeling that comes from truly feeding the soil. That was what surprised me.
Posted by: anj | 05/08/2008 at 10:18 PM
Whew... I'm glad.
that feeling? do you think it is the realization that we are connected in such deep ways? I think it is for me.
Posted by: aola | 05/08/2008 at 10:34 PM