ambivalence of independence

BEST- It was a success; the 18 year old (how did I become the mother of an 18 year old?) was almost speechless. The footlocker was full with wrapped packages of sheets, towels, duvet and cover, electric kettle, and coffee press. A shower caddy, a toiletries bag, numerous pairs of boxers, a lightweight wool plaid robe. Shower sandals, coffee cups, laundry detergent. He looked at us, eyes wet, and stated “I don’t deserve you guys.”

 

Four and a half years ago, on a Christmas afternoon, he sat on the sofa with tears in his eyes and told us “It changes when you grow up, doesn’t it?” His soul feels deeply, seeks truth, and wrestles with ambivalence.

 

Yesterday, in the aftermath of that feeling of undeserved grace, he told me “Independence is a scary thing.” Nodding my head, honoring this new awareness, holding back a trite explain it all answer, I was thankful.

For his sake, I think naming that truth will be a good thing.

Comments

[barb]

this brought tears to my eyes

[aola]

Sounds like a very cool going away gift. I'm glad he recognizes how good you guys are to/for him.

The hardest time for me when Levi left was dinner time. We always sit down together at the table for dinner. There were lots of nights that Em and I just sat at the table and cried.. but, once again.. it gets to be okay after a while.