WORST- Some mornings, the movement is easier than others. Yesterday, though, I struggled out of bed, certain that a Mack truck had been loose in our room overnight, engrossed in a forward and backward motion over my being. It’s those mornings when my hands, ankles, feet, jaws and neck are hot, red, and a bit swollen. When the pain radiates to the bones in my face, that is a good clue it might be a tough day.
So when a friend burst through the front door at 7:45 am, I was slowly getting awake enough to sit down with her and L for our morning meeting for worship. She followed me into the kitchen with her breakfast, as I made a cuppa for both of us.
“But in meeting for worship, who is the container? Who holds the space to connect everyone?” She was in high energy mode. Questions coming fast and furious. I took a deep breath.
“Everyone holds the space,” I answered. “The Holy Spirit is the container, and we all connect to each other through connection with the Divine.”
“But how is that explained to everyone? Where is the verbalization of how that happens?” she asked.
Some mornings are just like that. You put your feet on the ground, and soon you are running way faster than you are able, with no Chariots of Fire theme or anything like that in the background.
“Well, our meeting tries to provide opportunities for that – we have monthly Quaker Breakfast Forum, we have monthly Spiritual Nurture, we have Monthly mid-week meeting for worship at a members home, we have weekly fellowship and afterthoughts, most of us are available to speak with those who are seeking, you come to our house for meeting for worship a few times a week. It is an experiential faith – you have to live it to know it.” I found myself trying to explain something that is difficult to explain in the best of times.
“But,” she responded, “you make it so hard. Who holds your hand? Who tells you what you need to do? Who gives you the reading list?” She laughed, knowing exactly where she could find the reading list, and the books for that matter.
I breathed again; I knew I wasn’t touching the whole truth. I knew I could only speak from my own experience. I knew, as clerk of our meetings Ministry and Counsel, that I held these concerns often in the Light.
“In an unprogrammed meeting,” I began, determined to not let the Quakerese get in the way of truth, “we all hold the space. Nobody will tell you what to do. We live in a consumer based culture, where a lot of faith communities are based on consuming.” She nodded her head, she got that bit.
“We are not that way,” I continued, bluntly, I think because of my pain and the depth of our friendship. “Being a Friend, a Friend of spiritual depth is hard work. There are many meetings that are an inch deep and a mile wide. But we are a meeting that is committed to being a mile deep. There are many opportunities to learn to eat, to learn to allow the Spirit to feed you, but you will not be force fed here. Nobody will be. And those who will not seek will not find. Perhaps if they cannot find connection and God in the silence, being a Quaker is not for them. And that has to be okay. ”
“That’s the edge,” she cried with eyes glistening with moisture. “That is the edge I feel.”
We sat for a while. I began again, softer, “I cannot tell you what your journey needs to be, because I do not know. But I do know there is One who can speak to your condition, and I am committed to being with you in seeking that One. And it is your struggle, not mine.”
This morning, as I hold her in the Light, the words that come to me are favorites – “It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of a Living God.” Our Quaker faith of subtraction means that we will take away everything that might hinder or stop or cushion that fall.
Too many of us, for too long, have forgotten that truth.
We sat for a while. I began again, softer, “I cannot tell you what your journey needs to be, because I do not know. But I do know there is One who can speak to your condition, and I am committed to being with you in seeking that One. And it is your struggle, not mine.”
I had a mentor tell me basically this same thing when it came to my adult children. To stop thinking I knew what their journey needs to be and to let their struggle be their struggle. Thanks for the reminder this morning.
Posted by: Hope | 03/06/2009 at 11:29 AM
7:45????? you are a saint.
Posted by: aola | 03/06/2009 at 01:33 PM
"Our Quaker faith of subtraction means that we will take away everything that might hinder or stop or cushion that fall.
Too many of us, for too long, have forgotten that truth."
Yeah, Baby! QP
Posted by: Quaker Pastor | 03/11/2009 at 08:19 AM
QP - I love it that you say yeah baby.
Aola - For this friend, I will do 7:45, but it is not common for anyone else.
Hope - that is huge. hard to do. but so life giving to all involved.
Posted by: Anj | 03/17/2009 at 06:19 PM
It’s those mornings when my hands, ankles, feet, jaws and neck are hot, red, and a bit swollen. When the pain radiates to the bones in my face, that is a good clue it might be a tough day.
May I ask if you have Rheumatoid Arthritis? I have (juvenile) Rheumatoid Arthritis, and reading this, I felt I knew exactly what you were talking about.
Posted by: Tania | 04/09/2009 at 12:27 PM
Tania - I do have RA. I blog about it once in a while.
Posted by: Anj | 04/09/2009 at 10:19 PM