It has been a tender evolution. One who believes narratives are static and rigid moving to one who understands narratives are fluid and impacted not only by the past but also by the present experiences and understandings. Right now, the theme of the narrative of my life that is very present to me is perseverance and an acceptance that nothing or no one has been able to destroy me yet. Not that I am indestructible, but that I am tenacious. I hold onto life. Actually, it is more than I hold onto life, I hold onto my power, even when it is only remnants that I am able to own. And if that seems strange, I don't have the language or the ability to soften or make it more digestible. It is a celebration that the essence of who I am, who I was created to be, has not been destroyed and is coming more and more to life.
There are so many threads in this coming to life, that of understanding the illusion of control I lived in was deadening to my soul and others, that of intending to embrace the unknown, that of awareness of my fear, and holding it in the Light so the Divine can reveal to me how vapid it is. Yesterday was a hard day physically. Working in the garden, which often brings relief, brought more pain and nauseousness. By 5:00 PM I had acknowledged that there was nothing I was going to be able to do and to just sit and read. Even the computer was off-limits as my neck and back were too tender to be held at the needed angle.
I don't understand it, but there is such beauty in acceptance and yielding to reality. There are those in my life, prior and present, who have encouraged and modeled to not accept the reality. To not name the truth of pain or suffering; to live in the myth.
There is no life for me in the myth.
Oh Anj, this is such a glorious prayer of celebration, of gratitude, of honour!
Posted by: stephanie | 07/01/2010 at 01:29 PM
Hi Anj,
It's been a long time. I found your blog again. Do you mind me asking what it is you mean by "myth?"
I had the back and neck issue yesterday, oh and the day before that and oh yeah, today too. Finally took some pain medication.
Anyway, by "myth" to you mean denial?
Posted by: Zoe | 08/07/2010 at 05:08 PM
Zoe - Welcome back, sorry it took me so long to respond to your comment. "Myth" - in this context means the story we tell to make life work that is distanced from the reality. Denial = part of the myth.
Posted by: Anj | 08/18/2010 at 04:38 PM
Food for thought Anj. Thank you. Not to worry about reponse time. I just back to checking myself. :-)
Posted by: Zoe | 09/07/2010 at 09:18 AM