Faithfulness. Perseverance. Insular. These are the words and themes that keep speaking to me. At this time. In this place. Yesterday, the 18 year old and I journeyed to Rutgers The State University of New Jersey. While he met with an adviser to pick out first semester first year classes for one with an undeclared major, I wandered the campus and tried to get a feel for this place where the 20 year old lives and the 18 year old will soon call home.
A young male student stopped me and asked if I would be interested in participating in a bible discussion. I smiled, said "I don't think so" enjoying the solitude and the insularity. I didn't want to interact with anyone. But there was something inside that kept nudging. So when the second young man asked me if I wanted to join in on the bible discussion about to start, I replied "Maybe" and then left to feed the meter. Maybe a sense not as strong as a leading, but a little more persistent than a notion led me to return, after feeding the meter, and join the circle on the grassy ground.
I listened as they discussed the beginning verses of Matthew 4. Soon, the 18 year old came and found me, I excused myself and we drove home. He full of schedule planning and future deciding angst, moderated by his personality that is not an over the top emotional one. Me, thinking about my silence in the discussion and the tenor of my time, sitting on the ground listening. It is a passage, to me today, about faithfulness. Being true to the process. Not taking short cuts.
The 18 year old has been watching the show "Weeds" on Netflix this summer. It is too dark for me, yet I watched the season 5 finale the other day and one line the main female character said in an aside has stayed with me. Repeating in my being. "We're all broken."
Often, when I lose my center of compassion, I return to the Jesus Prayer – "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner" I often add to it "Teach me the Way of mercy."
This morning, I realized that yesterday I was free from my usual weightings of "where are those sharing theologically? Are they in a solid place? Where is their brokenness and how is it presenting in this discussion?" Instead of running with those gerbils of analyzing and judgment, I was just listening.
We are broken, to live in this brokenness I need mercy, ergo, I must extend mercy. Mercy always comes to me from the Divine. Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner. Teach me the Way of mercy.
L says I have a flair for stating the obvious.
oh, wish I had known you were around! But I was actually in a meeting anyway, so probably couldn't have freed myself. Anyway, I'm glad you found some peace on our busy campus (where everyone seems to be building???). Thank you for your words. They have resonated with me today as I struggle with similar issues.
Posted by: Mia Hewitt | 08/04/2010 at 10:56 AM
Mia - I'll let you know the next time I am around with nothing to do in New Brunswick. :) Everyone is building, I did find peace though and more. We were by Stone Hall and it was the first time I have been able to walk around the campus and get a feel for it. It helped me understand why my guys want to be there.
Posted by: Anj | 08/04/2010 at 05:51 PM
I love college campuses, they are so beautiful. The town we live closest to has a small university where Seth will be going soon. I love to walk around on the campus especially late in the evening when most of the kids are gone.
Posted by: aola | 08/05/2010 at 11:11 PM