WORST- It has taken me three days to write the reality; every time there is an overdose in the news, I go right back to my ex-husband’s death. My two older sons call it a planned suicide. My youngest chooses not to talk about it. It still hits me as an overdose.
To celebrate my 50th birthday, I did two things. One, I signed up for an eight day silent retreat. Two, I googled closure, and landed on The Grief Recovery Method Certification Training. I did the latter first.
And one of my biggest take aways was that the boys' grief and my grief over their dad’s death was so different there was no way for us to meet in the middle and share loss. I resisted that reality. And it kept coming back up, until finally I saw the truth of it. His death was a relief to me. It was not that at all to them. Period.
And so every time there is an overdose in the news, I go right back to my ex-husband’s death. The mixed feelings of relief and loss, sadness and joy, anger and relief. There is now way around it, just a waiting for it to, once again, recede.